I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
