Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
