with your own penis?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
