I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
