Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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