i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Is it penis luge time yet?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
