I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
COCAINE IS GR8
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
