How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
