My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
