i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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