I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
