Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
