Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
