Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
