I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
