I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
third nipple confirmed
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
