Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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