Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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