He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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