Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
