what day is it and did you see me today?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
