I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
