why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
