i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
