You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
