I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
