As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
