I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
