Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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