whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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