I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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