last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
