..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
