then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
