and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
