Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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