I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
