Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
