I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
