she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
