When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
