i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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