the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
