What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
