what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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