Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
