he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
