I'm gonna have a badass scar
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
