I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
