I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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