your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
we're so committed to being not committed
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
