Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
