clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
