you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
FUCK WHALES
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
